The smooth-writing poo pen for regular writers.
I know these 4.25" poop pens look crappy, that's to keep people from swiping them. They probably won't even want to burrow them. No shit! However, and this is unusual for novelty pens, they write nice and smooth. I mean, look at this commode I drew with one of these pens.
The only thing that could make this worse is if you painted bits of corn on it.