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Poor people need love too

Posted by Uncle Marvin on 5/21/2017 to News

We sell a lot of these Generic condoms. Now please note, I don’t know how reliable they are, and I don’t trust your girlfriend, so buyer beware. (It’s just for a laugh.)

BTW, did you know that “Ramses” brand condoms are named after the great pharaoh Ramses II, who fathered more than 160 children? What the hell were they thinking?

Just kill me now.

Posted by Editing Department on 5/14/2017 to Flotsam
This panel comic from the summer of 1946 makes no sense to me. What is going on here? The lad on the porch is floating in mid-air like something out of The Exorcist, along with his hell hound, and his mother is dismayed because it’s the third time this summer she has to call a priest. Doesn’t seem to be suitable for a family newspaper, but what do I know.

THERE I fixed it - The one about cranium support cylinders

Posted by John on 5/13/2017 to News
Since I work a graveyard shift, I wear a sleep mask to block out the light, and to absorb some of the sweat from the night terrors. It’s not optional; I can’t sleep without it. Teresa won’t let me tinfoil the window; even though it faces the back yard. I don’t care if the squirrels think I’m running a meth lab up here*.

Unfortunately, the strap has begun to chafe my ear. I was stewing about this, and started to think of ways to keep the strap off my ear, yet retaining comfort. It came to me in a flash of insight; TAMPONS. Attach one to the inside of the strap on either side of my ear. I assume they come in various sizes.

Is there a less emasculating alternative? Maybe I can make little camo covers for them, Or just say, “They’re not tampons! They’re Cranium Support Cylinders!”

Ladies, you won't like this simple fact.

Posted by Uncle Marvin on 4/2/2017

Our juvenile division has bags for homely men to put over their heads, to improve their looks. We also carry the one for women. The “Ugly Woman Bag” outsells the “Ugly Man Bag” by a margin of 20 to 1 or more.

This is because homely or older men are perceived as “rugged” or “distinguished”. This concept provoked an eye roll from my wife, but it’s based on years of emperical datum, and also it’s on the internet now, so it must be true. Ladies, you can always get a man to wear one of these; just suggest to him that he could use a little time in the sack.