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Who Farted Snowglobes WHILE THEY LAST

Posted by Clarence Clearance on 7/9/2017 to Flotsam

DISTRESSED ITEM SALE: The marketplace is not efficient, We acquired these Who Farted Snowglobes for a most agreeable price, unfortunately they cost a lot to ship, being full of water and whatever those snowflakes are made of.

This snow globe poses more questions than it answers; why is it snowing in the bathroom? Why did the child bring a gas mask into the bath? Was he anticipating an unpleasant smell? If it happens every time he bathes, maybe it’s not a fart smell at all. Does sis keep the cat’s litterbox in the bathroom? There’s your trouble. Click that link to be delighted by our price on this rare and valuable collectible.

Doris in Omaha is watching you

Posted by Uncle Marvin on 5/27/2017 to Flotsam

Went to look up a pesky spammer on 800notes.com, and everyone says it was a home security telemarketer, except this lady;

“Our evil psycho neighbor, Doris W. of Omaha, NE has been calling us and harassing us for 3 years
by using all kind of phone numbers on her cell phone & then hung up immediately.

Doris W. dialed this phone number (800-redacted) on her cell phone and blocked her phone number while she was calling us.
She watched us thru her livingroom window (day & night) and she lives across the street from us and she looked right at our livingroom window. She is a nosy evil jealous old ugly witch.
She doesn’t miss anything we do outdoors and indoors. She is the biggest gossiper in our neighborhood and turned all the neighbors against us and told them to do mean things to us for her and the neighbors are so dumb, they do whatever she tells them to do. How sad. Doris knows we never did anything to her, but she is so obsessed with us and she needs help.”

Apparently, the telephone spam, it was Doris all along. Who knew?

Poor people need love too

Posted by Uncle Marvin on 5/21/2017 to News

We sell a lot of these Generic condoms. Now please note, I don’t know how reliable they are, and I don’t trust your girlfriend, so buyer beware. (It’s just for a laugh.)

BTW, did you know that “Ramses” brand condoms are named after the great pharaoh Ramses II, who fathered more than 160 children? What the hell were they thinking?

Just kill me now.

Posted by Editing Department on 5/14/2017 to Flotsam
This panel comic from the summer of 1946 makes no sense to me. What is going on here? The lad on the porch is floating in mid-air like something out of The Exorcist, along with his hell hound, and his mother is dismayed because it’s the third time this summer she has to call a priest. Doesn’t seem to be suitable for a family newspaper, but what do I know.