Poor people need love too

Posted by Uncle Marvin on 5/21/2017 to News

We sell a lot of these Generic condoms. Now please note, I don’t know how reliable they are, and I don’t trust your girlfriend, so buyer beware. (It’s just for a laugh.)

BTW, did you know that “Ramses” brand condoms are named after the great pharaoh Ramses II, who fathered more than 160 children? What the hell were they thinking?

THERE I fixed it - The one about cranium support cylinders

Posted by John on 5/13/2017 to News
Since I work a graveyard shift, I wear a sleep mask to block out the light, and to absorb some of the sweat from the night terrors. It’s not optional; I can’t sleep without it. Teresa won’t let me tinfoil the window; even though it faces the back yard. I don’t care if the squirrels think I’m running a meth lab up here*.

Unfortunately, the strap has begun to chafe my ear. I was stewing about this, and started to think of ways to keep the strap off my ear, yet retaining comfort. It came to me in a flash of insight; TAMPONS. Attach one to the inside of the strap on either side of my ear. I assume they come in various sizes.

Is there a less emasculating alternative? Maybe I can make little camo covers for them, Or just say, “They’re not tampons! They’re Cranium Support Cylinders!”

Retro vase looks like Mr. Eames vomited!

Posted by John on 3/18/2017 to News

I am so pleased to have found my Ugly Vase. I call her Velma.

Found it at a thrift store years ago, bought specifically to annoy my wife. I would put it in various places around the house Teresa would move it the edge of a shelf and then stomp around. There is a 50 cent price tag on the bottom from when she tried to sneak it into our yard sale.

Municipalities have paid tens of thousands for sculptures that are essentially larger versions of this thing. I would like to know who made it, and why.

Apparently, it has been stashed in my daughter’s closet for several years, but I have dusted it off and display it proudly, much to Teresa’s dismay. Not if I could just find some of those light-up fake roses.

The Shoddy Sneaker Scenario

Posted by Teresa on 3/14/2017 to News
Don't bother us about your shoddy sneakers! We don't even sell shoes!